Dear Lord,
A lot has been on my mind lately so I figured I would just start writing...or typing I should say and see where this goes. I just want to not only share whats on my mind but maybe even help someone reading this and let you be gloried along the way.
I know you know everything that has happened but I feel like I need to just talk about it...so "Here we go.." I know it's been a while since I tried this whole "blog" thing. Actually, I was still in Russia for my last post. A lot has changed over the past year. I'm not quite sure where to begin. But, I guess the best place to start is this past summer, pretty much the main reason I feel I should blog. Earlier in the summer I just really felt like I wasn't doing anything. That I wasn't being used for your Kingdom. Like I said one year ago I was half way across the world, in Russia witnessing to orphans. Not that I can't be used here at home, at work or school, I just felt that I was missing out since I wasn't able to be apart of any VBS(Vacation Bible School), any youth camps, or any mission trips. I wasn't very content I guess you could say. Well, you obviously had a plan and I just needed to be patient.....I got really sick one day in late July, had to be rushed to the ER. I ended up having pneumonia and a kidney infection. Because of an acute infection my blood pressure dropped and my body started to conserve blood and only send it to my vital organs such as my heart and lungs. Therefor depriving my kidneys of the blood that they needed. Ultimately I ended up going into kidney failure. Not only were my kidney's shutting down but my lung function wasn't doing well either. I wasn't able to get rid of the Co2 in my body. These high levels of Co2 added their own complications such as extreme migraines! Needless to say after about a week in ICU, everything that they had tried was not working. It actually looked like I wasn't going to make it this time. My family and friends were called. People started showing up at the hospital to see me. At first I didn't realize what was going on or how serious this was until hundreds of people were coming to see me. And I really do mean hundreds! It was so overwhelming. I never knew all these people cared so much. The things that people did and said were so sweet. All I ever wanted to do was glorify You and show people your unconditional love....I feel that the show of support that I got and the comments that were made during this time made me think that maybe I am accomplishing my goal in life!
As you know by the end of the week I was alert enough to talk with the doctors and ask some questions. We decided to take me off the medications that weren't working anyway and just give me three days and see what happens. Honestly, I was so ready to die at this point. I was ready to come home and meet you face to face. I was so excited! I told my friends and family this...all weekend I was at peace. I was just so tired and ready to get to Heaven! Don't get me wrong I did have feelings of guilt, because I felt this way. I mean I loved who I was going to leave behind, and I didn't want anyone to feel like I didn't care about them. But I was ready. Over the course of the weekend I was able to talk to some wonderful Godly people, and I was asked the question "What if God has other plans for you? What if you get better?" This was a tough one for me. I had become such at peace with the fact that this was it...that my work here was done. That that question scared me in a way. Monday morning they came in to take my blood to see if I had improved, I lied awake most of the night. You and I had some good conversations. I realized that I had to not only be at peace with leaving this earth, but I also had to be at peace with staying here as well. I had to be in the center of Your Will. Whatever that may have looked like. I finally got to that place that night with the help of your grace and mercy.
The next morning the test results came back, it was a miracle the doctors said. I was all of a sudden starting to improve! The family was so excited and gave me a big hug! But me, I just sat there...at that moment I realized more then ever...."Okay Lord, I can't do this without you!"
That day started my road to recovery. I have had a lot of ups and downs along the way and am still adjusting and learning. But I thank you, this is YOUR story and I'm just along for the ride...however long that may be. So, Here we go....
Your Daughter,
Melissa
A lot has been on my mind lately so I figured I would just start writing...or typing I should say and see where this goes. I just want to not only share whats on my mind but maybe even help someone reading this and let you be gloried along the way.
I know you know everything that has happened but I feel like I need to just talk about it...so "Here we go.." I know it's been a while since I tried this whole "blog" thing. Actually, I was still in Russia for my last post. A lot has changed over the past year. I'm not quite sure where to begin. But, I guess the best place to start is this past summer, pretty much the main reason I feel I should blog. Earlier in the summer I just really felt like I wasn't doing anything. That I wasn't being used for your Kingdom. Like I said one year ago I was half way across the world, in Russia witnessing to orphans. Not that I can't be used here at home, at work or school, I just felt that I was missing out since I wasn't able to be apart of any VBS(Vacation Bible School), any youth camps, or any mission trips. I wasn't very content I guess you could say. Well, you obviously had a plan and I just needed to be patient.....I got really sick one day in late July, had to be rushed to the ER. I ended up having pneumonia and a kidney infection. Because of an acute infection my blood pressure dropped and my body started to conserve blood and only send it to my vital organs such as my heart and lungs. Therefor depriving my kidneys of the blood that they needed. Ultimately I ended up going into kidney failure. Not only were my kidney's shutting down but my lung function wasn't doing well either. I wasn't able to get rid of the Co2 in my body. These high levels of Co2 added their own complications such as extreme migraines! Needless to say after about a week in ICU, everything that they had tried was not working. It actually looked like I wasn't going to make it this time. My family and friends were called. People started showing up at the hospital to see me. At first I didn't realize what was going on or how serious this was until hundreds of people were coming to see me. And I really do mean hundreds! It was so overwhelming. I never knew all these people cared so much. The things that people did and said were so sweet. All I ever wanted to do was glorify You and show people your unconditional love....I feel that the show of support that I got and the comments that were made during this time made me think that maybe I am accomplishing my goal in life!
As you know by the end of the week I was alert enough to talk with the doctors and ask some questions. We decided to take me off the medications that weren't working anyway and just give me three days and see what happens. Honestly, I was so ready to die at this point. I was ready to come home and meet you face to face. I was so excited! I told my friends and family this...all weekend I was at peace. I was just so tired and ready to get to Heaven! Don't get me wrong I did have feelings of guilt, because I felt this way. I mean I loved who I was going to leave behind, and I didn't want anyone to feel like I didn't care about them. But I was ready. Over the course of the weekend I was able to talk to some wonderful Godly people, and I was asked the question "What if God has other plans for you? What if you get better?" This was a tough one for me. I had become such at peace with the fact that this was it...that my work here was done. That that question scared me in a way. Monday morning they came in to take my blood to see if I had improved, I lied awake most of the night. You and I had some good conversations. I realized that I had to not only be at peace with leaving this earth, but I also had to be at peace with staying here as well. I had to be in the center of Your Will. Whatever that may have looked like. I finally got to that place that night with the help of your grace and mercy.
The next morning the test results came back, it was a miracle the doctors said. I was all of a sudden starting to improve! The family was so excited and gave me a big hug! But me, I just sat there...at that moment I realized more then ever...."Okay Lord, I can't do this without you!"
That day started my road to recovery. I have had a lot of ups and downs along the way and am still adjusting and learning. But I thank you, this is YOUR story and I'm just along for the ride...however long that may be. So, Here we go....
Your Daughter,
Melissa
